MORE FUN WITH FRIENDS RECOVERING FROM PLASTIC SURGERY

Whoever came to pick my friend up in the recovery room is a real sick one. But look at the patient sleeping like a baby with that sexy chin and lips and macho chest. And to think, he had half of his nose lopped off. It's getting me excited. I have to go.

REAVIS DOES YOGA

Except for the previous month, it's been about eight months of my not working out due to this medical treatment. I always loved weightlifting and cardio, but my flexibility is terrible. I have to do something about it, as boring as I think stretching is. So I go to "Yoga High" around the corner from me (there's a Yoga studio every five block in the city on the google maps), where everyone greets each other with a hug (eek!). I hate yoga. I find it torturous and I can run circles around people at the gym and appear fit, but yoga exposes me as a total fake who shakes and falls apart after 10 minutes of poses. I also find the positions obscene and gross (I will not squat on a foam block in front of anyone) and I think the fit yoga body type is ugly as hell with their long sweat pants rolled at the waist asses - it's turning everyone into guru bodies which I'm not into. But a man's got to do what a man's got to do. The instructor was very nice and knew I had very special needs in a class like this, to say the least. She made a great effort to know and remember every name she didn't know and later kept calling me 'Rev" which I had to correct. Too cute. I was a wreck through the whole thing. I wanted to be in the front so I could be better instructed, but then everyone sees you. She certainly spoke directly to me a lot and as much as I enjoy subtle admiration or attention from people, I hate being the center of any attention - I'm mortified. I have the opposite of the star complex. I also can't be in the back because then you have the whole room's ass in your face. That's the most repulsive thing about yoga, the ass in your face. This studio was clean, but unless you bring your own, all yoga mats are dirty (no matter how much windex u take to them afterwards) and don't get me started on the blankets. "Rev, please take your socks off so you won't slip!" "I'm not removing any articles of clothing." / "Rev, please turn you face to the side and lay it on the mat!" "My face is never touching anything". She got a kick out of me. I think everyone was surprised I wasn't picked up at the end by some private movers and carted home in a satin padded box. I was told on a few occasions to rest in 'child's pose' (like in the video below!) which I refuse to do because it looks far too submissive and the name is horrible. Any child that posed like that wouldn't be a child long! I was very grateful for her sensitivity to my ink covered mangle of disoriented muscle held together with rusted staple gun staples. I loved the euphoria at the end after the misery and didn't expect it. I'm definitely going back. It's a very adorable little yoga studio.


"Keep an apple in your bag!"

HELP

THE ARROGANT AMERICAN

English food... American food. Well, I don't know what American food is as we are a country of every ethnicity and culture. We do have our own version of Mexican and Chinese. I don't travel in this country much because it's scary, let alone go above 14 street or even off this island (I feel so dirty if I have to go to Brooklyn). The number of restaurants in Manhattan is staggering to anyone from anywhere in the world. 24 hours anything. They deliver for a small tip and it all comes with plastic cutlery, napkins, condiments, straws and dips in less than 20-25 minutes. If they forget the slightest thing you may throw a fit and that is perfectly normal (because they do forget and not having one thing can queer up your entire dinner) and they then send the friendly Mexican guy back with whatever was missing. People sometimes get a free thing for their dining 'hardship'. I've seen girls call in and do it a lot. If they take longer than, say, immediately to deliver everyone calls in all nuts to 'check on the order' (this city moves with the dolla) and they always say it's already left. My friend visiting from Europe couldn't believe the amount that arrived, how much precise and wasteful packaging they used and how I threw a lot of the junk away. He also loved the deli. It's not till I leave Manhattan that I realize that people's supermarkets close and that they sometimes may have to grind corn on a rock or something for an hour to get a midnight snack. 'American' food is thought to be hot dogs hamburgers... ummmmm... onion rings, hot wings, pizza... um OH a friend of mine from the midwest pulled a frozen thing to heat up... I can't remember what it was called I'll add it later. But it was gross. Ah, a corn dog! disgusting. American food is unfortunately popular and we have destroyed the world with franchises.


England has it's greasy fare as well but I couldn't find an English restaurant to review. The world must be teeming with them. Isn't it one of the first choices when you are going to order in or have international foods? Ah here, I found one! Feel free to enlarge...


I guess this is where I add a disclaimer because I often pad my provocative acts. I'm part English, does that help? My mother was presented to the Queen as a New York debutante (true, there's a picture I saw some time ago & we still have it under the piles of junk. No Queen in it just all the girls being presented in a formal picture. Another world). My mother lived there for many many years and gets a nasty snobby English accent when she gets mad it's really funny & my sister went to college there. That enough for me to not get people all Nationalistic? Well, one of my many English friends, Lucy Ellis (would have to be English - no American Lucy's probably living in this century. Love the name, never hear it here), sent me her feeling on her national cuisine. I love the big hat she has on. I can't recognize what it is. Is it a Green Bay Packers cheese hat? Maybe it's one of the states... I almost have it. Well whatever, I think the hat hanging on the wall next to her is far superior. Kidding!


"English food is tastless and fattening (lard soaked and breaded and fried) the only good British food is curry which we hijacked from our Indian friends as a national dish."

Signed Lucy Ellis (a Brit)


This unnecessary blog entry was brought to you by my foot in my mouth on Mitzi's Clutter from the Gutter blog. I thought she would chop me and we would never be blog friends again. Maybe this entry ensured that, so I created this "Catch A Mitzi" image. Wouldn't that be cute, a little Mitzi booby trap? I don't know what she likes, but I imagine she could take some or all of the goods pictured. Hell, she'd take the white background too! I'd love a solid gold pound. I'm not going to say something animated and English at the end of this - that's just rude to do about another's country.

SO UGLY I ALMOST CAN'T BEAR TO POST

Awful site called "Rue La La". Lila sends me a link with her user name and code (it's private!), suggesting a down coat. I thought she was kidding, then she persisted. Now I'm scared. She txt msgd me that she was sure I could find something else to be scared of today. I msgd back that she was usually a pretty good bet. Look at this shoe. What's wrong with people?

SELF RIGHTEOUS REV

I've been getting up at 6:30 everyday for weeks now and crawling in the dark to the gym a block away and doing an at least 45 minutes of cardio then weight lifting. I come home and have a cruelty free egg scramble with vegetables and whole wheat toast. This puritanical living has caused me to fall into the trap of all adopted good habits and it's manifested in an insidious way. I call friends of mine, usually after I get back from the gym, who may have been out the night before and haven't gotten up for work yet (if they work). I tell them they are probably hearing my message at an indecent hour to get up, making jokes about how they were probably lying with their crusty mouths open with make-up smeared on them with messed up hair when I left the message. I urge them to get their lives together and remind them that I am a superior person. The response has been very very dark and detailed and has tickled me to death as I crouch around listening to the messages left for me giggling to death. I guess you would have to see the types that I dared to cross to find it funny as well, they are not amused. The curt obscene "go ______ yourself, Reavis" messages were pure gold. Some people were more gentle and wrote poetry...

"My hair looks nice,
Face is clean,
Was up till 6
My friend Reavis the crevice is mean."
-Cynthia

If you don't know, my first name doesn't sound like Reevis (nor ryme with Beavis, thank you very much). It actually rhymes with crevice - the only word it rhymes with. It was brutal as a kid.

Get up you slob. xox Reavis the Crevice aka CREV

"MANTYHOSE" WEBSITE

Oh lewrdy. And they are very serious about this. My friend asked me if men used to wear hosiery in the past. Yes, my dear, for hundreds of years.

MRPEACOCKSTYLE.COM

Mr.Peacock refers to himself in 3rd person in his blog. He can because he has a fabulous name and is debonair. However, if someone looks like they have a head injury or wandering eye, talks with their hands a lot and/or won't shut up when you appear disinterested refers to himself in 3rd person it's creepy. Life is in the details.

BOTCH JOB TATTOO

I'll make it brief becuase I can't dwell on this. I had an open circle on my back. I wanted a shiva trident in it with smoke trailing from it in homage to Shiva & to commemorate my dead dog who was destroyed and cremated and whose name was Lulu, which the trident sort of looks like. I went day before yesterday to a great trustworthy artist - I don't know what the hell happened. An autistic kid could have done a better drawing on a hayride. Scandalously awful. He filled it in all black yesterday for free at my request. The same area tattooed 2 days in a row and solid black. Ouch for me the day after tomorrow.


I'm actually glad. I don't know that I want god images on me. As religions are increasing violent (even the Hindus, alas) I'm relating more to the Atheists and Buddhists. The black circle is nothingness or the void. It's also sort of a rotten giant black dot on my back.

DESIGNVERONIQUE.COM

It's just a coincidence that my friend sent me this so close to my shoulder harness entry. These are compression garments mostly for post operative surgery but I can think of all sorts of occasions where you could wear exhibit them (and they come in black!). Check out the back shot of the men's "Zippered Gluteus Garment" shorts. I love the blazee (I don't have accents on my computer so I misspelled it) expressions on the models.
As my wise fellow friends who are a few to several years away from age 40 start to prepare for the inevitable with plastic surgery, I get a kick out of visiting them in recovery with groceries, laughing at them and sometimes making drill and chisel noises (I usually share that with them the night before the procedure and sometimes get hung up on). So my friend just had a serious nasal demolition on his prominent schnoz and his under chin neck reduced. It's not liposuction. Ok this IS gross so don't read on if you can't deal: They inject the fat with some chemical, the fat turns to water then they make a tiny slit in you and then prop you up and the fat just drains out. He has Norma Desmond Bride of Frankenstein harness on at the moment.

BLAGALLOWS

IS THIS HOT?

I been hunching this year sitting on the computer writing this garbage. Renewed in a fitness and yoga lifestyle, one of my goals is to improve my posture. How creepy is an orthopedic harness? Too Romy and Michelle in high school at lunch time? I want to wear it over my t shirt at the gym so it doesn't get sweaty with one of those foam glasses straps around my head. They didn't have it in black or leather and you have to wash it in Woolite.

REGARDING THE TRAGIC & FILTHY RICH

Corrupt Adolph Merckle of Germany jumps in front of train and dies. It's said that his suicide was the result of his being unable to bear the scandal of his shady dealings, but as far as his bank account was concerned after the massive amount that he lost, he was still one of the top 100 wealthiest men in the world.


Ponzi scheme queen Bernie Madoff mails envelope of very high priced jewels to his children from his Park Ave apartment after turning himself in for his maniacal financial scam on the uber-rich. What is so twisted is that Bernie was already a billionaire when he started the scheme, illustrating the insidious pathology of financial greed.


Parachuting to his tortured freedom, Marcus Schrenker crashes his private plane into a swamp in Florida. They located him today and he is under custody and in the hospital with slit wrist wounds. He had a multi million dollar estate in Indiana and a blond trophy wife he was pictured with in front of the plane and a new Lexus car.
I don't know that the creatures of the swamp looked on at the crash but if they did I hope that they are alright. I had a crush on The Creature From The Black Lagoon (he was ripped) as a kid. I've always been able to get over the face for a hot body. In the lower right, the poor misunderstood Swamp Thing. He was such sensitive and gentle giant and they would never leave him alone. I don't now who the creature in the middle is but he had to be included.

I'm not saying it's great that these (slang word which is also the French word for "shower") are dead or almost dead. I do think it is timely and telling that these tortured narcissist devourers of resources are coming to the forefront of our news with the reaping of their despicable lifestyles in these times of economic hysteria. I have no doubt that tragedy of the corrupt and/or filthy rich has always been widespread, we just haven't heard so much of it. They have seen to that quite well.



"A lotus flower can grow out from the mud and does so unscathed without a drop of dirt on it's petals. You cannot grow a lotus flower out of a pile of gold."

NEWS REPORTS OF FEARS OF HUMAN STAMPEDE FROM 2 MILLION TURNOUT AT OBAMA INAUGURATION

MY OBAMA INAUGURATION DAY LOOK SUGGESTION

Pictured below, Nigerian monarch James Oladipo Buraimoh who is now a bus driver in Brooklyn. And you thought we were falling from grace!


Here are the elements you need to recreate King Buraimoh's regal look, but on a United States recession budget:


One basketball, generic brand ok


One small power saw


Anything Mrs.Roper

I wont throw in a picture of a can of shoe polish because people will freak out. Like I used to say to people obsessed with weight: lighten up!

BOBBY MILLER WIGSTOCK BOOK

Bobby Miller, of Jackie 60 legendaryhood & etc., has come out with a sharp looking book of his photos documenting Wigstock. Billy Beyond is pictured on the cover. With the price of square footage in NYC I move on any book that I finish reading and take coffee table books I get as gifts to the Strand (whoops, sorry folks!), but I'm sure to buy this as a gift for someone.


Not a Bobby Miller photo, this polaroid of me in 60's mom drag at Wigstock in '89 at age 16 is one that I've kept under lock and key. Illegally young and fair as the morning dew I should have been giving all sorts of beautiful femme realness that would have been unspookable, but instead I raided my mom's Givenchy and had this bouffant made at Pat Field. Mom saw me on tv in a blue velvet number of hers and read me "If you're going to be a drag queen at least don't be a messy drag queen."


And so long as I'm unearthing scary pictures of myself, here's me around the same age (no doubt a night before an early day at high school) on stage on ecstasy vouging at Quick! with spitcurls and 80's eyebrows in a custom tailored Japanese Hysteric Glamour Hermes knock off S&M themed equestrian shorts shirt and jacket! God help me. I was giving Hysterics so much money at the time that they were revolving even their textile designs around me. I have no idea how long my butt looked from behind in those shorts but I'm sure there were miles of it. I have since given this whole ensemble to Rainblo as he will totally rock it and I can't presently fit my muscular thigh or even the top of my calf through the shorts. What's more interesting in the picture, if you enlarge it, is what's going on in the background with my friends Sunshine, Breeze & Digby! Good times!


From the same night, Sunshine with Smellin Ellen!

GAY BISHOP GIVING OBAMA INAUGURATION PRAYER HUFFPO LINK!

You betta work! New Hampshire Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson, a vocal gay rights leader, will open President-elect Barack Obama's inauguration with a prayer on Sunday's kick-off event at the Lincoln Memorial. Enjoy Gene below in 3 different outfits! How we love our gowns gurl!



Maybe he'll pull pastor Rick Warren off the stage with that hook like night at the Apollo!

PETITION TO APPOINT A SECRETARY OF THE ARTS IN THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION LINK

Quincy Jones has started a petition to ask President-Elect Obama to appoint a Secretary of the Arts. While many other countries have had Ministers of Art or Culture for centuries, The United States has never created such a position. We in the arts need this and the country needs the arts--now more than ever. Please take a moment to sign this important petition and then pass it on to your friends and colleagues - it only takes a few seconds.

SEE YOU AROUND PEGGY...

...like never!

The popularity of my acquisition of the wooden life size Peggy Hill was enormous and it has been real but she's gotta go. I put her on craigslist for a very low price but no responses. I do wonder how many people are word searching Peggy Hill. If you live in NYC and aren't flakey and want to pick her up she's yours for free.

LOLA FATUROTI OBAMA COMMEMORATIVE DRESS

Fabulous! I thought the listing I saw said Susan Anton made it, but she just posted it. It makes me wish I didn't only wear solids!