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LURID DIGS

THE STREETS OF FEMALE TROUBLE

My thanks goes out to Holly, formerly NYC's infamous 'Vulva', for making it her Holly Hobby to locate the places in Baltimore where various acts took place in the classic John Waters films. This is definitely the street that was sooty and damp where Donna Dasher was worried that a rat would come out and bite her new nylons.

It's the house Babs Johnson did a number on in front of in Pink Flamingos. Someone told me that it was the house of John Waters, but Holly clarified that it was a nunnery - but now had a snooty private owner (and that she knew the decorator). She said that she could hit John Waters place soon though..

UNTITLED

If I had a logo for me right now this would be it

IT'S AMANDA LEPORE'S BIG TOP @... AMANDA LEPORE'S BIG TOP!

LOVE

I am no misogynist, but long dewy (slithery) women's hair even grazing my flesh on a plane, public transport or... in my face a whole concert... makes my skin crawl. I don't know why. I think that inhaling girl hair puts estrogen vapors in your brain and flows through your body and makes you less muscular. This hippy mop had me white knuckling it through most of the show.

OIL PAINTINGS IN A PSYCHIATRISTS WAITING ROOM

there's plenty of room for you to break down at my therapy beach house. you can feel safe as there is a huge expensive coffee table between us. it's a robert ryman painting I bought... don't touch it. but that's about me this is about you. if you are more comfortable we can sit out on the sunny porch and stare at the sea as you tell me how they did it to you. you can rest assured I am a confident psychiatrist ; I have made enough money that I could have this painting done from a second floor.


it's just a painting of a house. i see, so you are more drawn to the shadows. how do you feel about that?


have you stood on the edge of one of those buildings, or do you feel like that cloud? tell me about that.

TUESDAY'S TOURISTS VS. REAL NEW YORKERS

They used to be sad and dumpy in ponchos peering over. Now it's a party. I was such a sourpuss about this that it was even hard for me to stand on the corner and film this as it showed and any interest. I'm not going to go in depth about New Yorkers and our general annoyance at tourists because you know all about it if you live here or have visited. Lately they have been wearing matching hats and outfits. The glitter wig douchebaguettes are new. Carry on, just when on the streets stop walking in a wall, stay to the right and don't stop suddenly: someone is always behind you. Also, stop looking so cluelessly terrified.


Busted. By the Hassidic man. Even after a throwing a penetrating look of invaded privacy nobody still wants to bother telling me not to snap a photo. He then covered his face... I think. I sort of remember that ; I wasn't paying attention I was too busy looking at what I got. It took a few tries to get this one. I can never seem to get a steady in focus picture on a moving subway. It wasn't about him anyway. I was trying to illustrate diversity (and the wonder of six people in a row that were all really over it).


Almost nobody has spring fashions to show off right now. With the economy and all, it seems that spring shopping was not on anybody's agenda this winter. That and exercising. This intermittently screaming at people and muttering to herself queen at least decided to match her wig and her shoes, which I appreciated.
This is the best I have for you today, but I am otherwise always at your...

THEY CAME FOR ME AT THE TANNING SALON TODAY

They tried to bamboozle me because the two 'diamond level' machines were being used by slow newcomers who were getting a charming tutorial on tanning. The crafty one that works there claimed that as you get browner that you can use the crappier machines! They walked me to the very back past rooms 1-10 to... I don't know room 101 from Orwell's 1984. I kid you not - way back there. The thing looked like it should have been on the lawn of Fred Sanford. The only thing between the bulbs and you in this stand up hunk of shytt was metal bars. It was like a chicken coup and a ghetto rotisserie had merged into one product. I walked by to the front and waited for my proper cancer machine to be free.

KEITH HARING STARTER BIBS AT DUANE READE

SALT LAWS

I haven't been a fan of his, but I have no problem with the new low sodium restaurant laws Bloomberg is trying to pass in New York. This is coming from the man who did away with most street vendors and decided to turn a large portion of our streets into stupid bike lanes. The city has since not turned into some bicycle utopia ; this isn't Amsterdam and people need to get places. I am, oddly enough, ok with the low salt laws because everybody is fat and I'm tired of comforting friends who have body image meltdowns right before we go out to a club and then hit rock bottom at the last moment and don't go out with me because of their horror at what their winter gluttony has produced. Harsh but true - it's happened to me a few times recently. Also, the meatloaf at Mama's on 3rd street is all salt (I had to spit it out). I liked this fascist briny law enough to even post a younger looking and less ugly Bloomberg photo in my collage.