I finally spilled the beans when I spoke at a crisis center group tonight saying my greatest hardship during this 11 moth medical treatment has been the distortion of my person ; dropping 20 then gaining it in weird places. Not being able to lift weights. Having slightly skinnier arms and a little ab fat. Huge problems I'm facing... as I sat in a room of people who just lost lovers to suicide and husbands to Cancer. It's ok that I voiced it and it was more than my chicken nugget 911 call - I'm at the end of an 11 month horror medical treatment and you know what, I should be open to just coming out with my dirty dark vanity secret. Everyone with these diseases has fears and obsessions of this sort. Let's face it we all want to look well and a lot of these meds devastate you so that some literally wear their meds on their face. I didn't get the usual laugh off because I think the facilitator could see the maniacal clockwork of cashews almonds peanuts and walnuts that make up my reasoning center. She did say that she couldn't imagine my being any better looking.
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