Sunday, February 1, 2009


Yes I'm a total ass that does searches on facebook for the most screwed of names. I wanted to be friends with a Ms. Ivana Retarded of Zadar, Croatia (facebook link at her name in the heading). I assumed she was just cool as hell and chose the name retarded so I tried to friend request her and wrote a friendly little note...

"Just wanted to friend you for the retarded name alone, I'm sorry!"

"Hmmm what?"

(this made me think she actually was retarded)

"I SAID i wanted to FREIND YOU BECAUSE OF THE RETARDED NAME ALONE, meaning I wanted to friend you because you had retarded in you name. what, are you retarded? forget about it." ..."Are u English speaking? if not maybe your name is actually retarded, if so i'm sorry, but it is very very funny."

"Grow up"

"You're the one with the name retarded and no sense of humor, NOT ME!
Ivana Retarded HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah...that's sense of humor....ahaaaa
pizdun usrani."

OK, so I'm not going to look up what pizdun usrani means, it's one of the pleasures of being an American: never going metric and never bothering to learn a second language. Heck, we hardly make an effort to speak our own language right good. I'm also way to busy looking up other horrible names on facebook. Anyway, please do try and friend the humorless bitter witch with a dead cat as a purse named Ivana Retarded before she dies of lung cancer waiting in line for a government issued square of toilet paper and half a potato in her remote village!

Also, what is it with southern European - and now Croatian - women and these ratty Muppet Show textured processed fur scarves, bags and hair accessories?! You can always tell the the female tourists visiting NYC from Italy or Spain: shearling coat, serious serious facial sun damage, pushy perfume, flashy designer sunglasses & the diced up dead thing around the neck. I don't care if it's mink - it's God awful.

In Ivana's defense, I WAS the one that jokingly harassed HER and I got what you get when you mess with tough Croatian women. I love that she brushed me off immediately and swore at me in her native tongue. When I sent her the blog entry her response was "buuuaaahahahaha.....bitter witch??!!! hahahahaha omg" which I thought was in good spirit. Then she left it alone. She doesn't care. I knew Ivana Retarded would be cool. You would have to be with a name like Ivana Retarded, that's what I was trying to say. Nobody understands the expansiveness and profundity of the word retarded in American english. SO thank you Ivana for giving me the bird immediately and laughing at my retarded blog entry, and at yourself a little. I was tempted to friend her after but I thought it was just best left alone at this point. Also, Croatia is sickeningly beautiful - look into it - and it's my hope that this new time will eventually lead to better relations so I can holiday there spending what's left of the American money and hopefully not get kidnapped. Ivana might come swinging from a textured cat fur jungle rope with a cigarette in her hand and burn my assailants eyes out while shouting "Pizdun usrani!" and save me... for her own torture, but she would probably just ignore me. Smart gal.
"'s ok" -I.R.

1 comment:

joe*to*hell said...