Friday, January 30, 2009


I'm so mad my head could burst into flames.
I am always a gentleman, except on occasion, but these doctors are driving me nuts. I'm almost done with this hellish treatment however it's developed some last minute bumps in the road, namely on my once beautiful serene face. It was some medication interaction. Took them a month to address it because it was 'cosmetic' (!).

Sooooooo I have fringed on turning into a monster on the phone. The runaround with new 'specialists' who can't see me for months and are insanely clear about not accepting insurance and needing immediate payment (in these times) has been awful, as I've always been and still am good for settling the bill. Just so you know, the original little girl in the above picture already had her hand in the 'Praise Satan' position before I manipulated the picture.

And may I say something about (usually not the most attractive) therapists, group support facilitators and spiritual leaders. When I hear people complain to these people about their fears about aging and/or their disfiguration from their diseases, they get immediately dismissed or laughed at. It's some sort of misguided reaction that gurus and those who give support to those in crisis of their mortality dole out to people who complain about such surface things. It's a small revenge on our shallow world of often cruel power plays from those possessing what we deem beautiful. It is wrong though. An old friend of mine, who I have always found so beautiful, has a scar from the corner of her mouth to her chin from a dog that almost ripped her face off as a kid. Personally, I think she wears it well and that it's hot (what could be hotter, a beautiful woman with a scar!), but I always understood her sorrow over it. I think she has since found the power in it and does not seek scar revision, or at least that's what I heard from her via the internet, I don't entirely know as we aren't closely in touch. But what I'm saying is these things matter. Worrying about getting old, even when young, MATTERS. Having your lower face puffed up so that you look like Tori Spelling on steroids MATTERS. We are temporary visitors in our bodies, but while here we are at once out deep inside of ourselves yet also dancing on our surfaces. We are both these things. I've become tired of these bullies of solely internal development.


Mitzi said...

Don't be cloak and dagger tell me what you've had done.

Reavis Eitel said...

ha ha lol no it's really a medical condition. i'm almost done with this treatment (2 more months and 1 wk) but i dropped 20 lbs (not in a good way) on it, then they put me on something to gain weight and it packed water on my face (edema) making me look like a f**kng clown. they determined that i have had low testosterone levels which explains my low low (non impotent thank you very much) sex drive and inability to bulk up with a g*dd*mn hour of cardio and 1 1/2 hrs or weight lifting a day with tons of protein and greens. it's the very fancy dermal absorbing kind! i should be hunkier and hornier shortly!

However, do you want me to list everything I have had done? I may as well come clean - better in a comment than a full blog entry...

Mitzi said...

You've dropped 20lbs! wow. I would stay away from all soya products especially soya milk as those things have oestrogen in them, equivalent to taking birth control pills. I gave up dairy 6 months ago and used soya instead, and over the months I have noticed my nipples have enlarged a slight thickening of the hips and a rippling effect on my skin. Then I read about soya milk and the effects it has on men! ye Gods, never again.

Reavis Eitel said...

I thought it might be the soy and I do avoid soy, totally, but this puffin drama started before I went veg and I am so so so so so SOhappy to be on a testosterone supplement it is my dream come true.

Anonymous said...

WOW! I was just strolling on through, catching up on some entries that I may have missed when I came across this one!

I wouldn't exactly say that my scar has ever brought me sorrow...I don't quite know what it's brought me actually. It's confusing, really. At the end of the day though, both you and I should appreciate the fact that we were gifted attractive faces to begin with. You know, so-called "ugly" faces with scars and puffed out jaws...Yeah...Not hawt.