Friday, January 16, 2009

SELF RIGHTEOUS REV


I've been getting up at 6:30 everyday for weeks now and crawling in the dark to the gym a block away and doing an at least 45 minutes of cardio then weight lifting. I come home and have a cruelty free egg scramble with vegetables and whole wheat toast. This puritanical living has caused me to fall into the trap of all adopted good habits and it's manifested in an insidious way. I call friends of mine, usually after I get back from the gym, who may have been out the night before and haven't gotten up for work yet (if they work). I tell them they are probably hearing my message at an indecent hour to get up, making jokes about how they were probably lying with their crusty mouths open with make-up smeared on them with messed up hair when I left the message. I urge them to get their lives together and remind them that I am a superior person. The response has been very very dark and detailed and has tickled me to death as I crouch around listening to the messages left for me giggling to death. I guess you would have to see the types that I dared to cross to find it funny as well, they are not amused. The curt obscene "go ______ yourself, Reavis" messages were pure gold. Some people were more gentle and wrote poetry...

"My hair looks nice,
Face is clean,
Was up till 6
My friend Reavis the crevice is mean."
-Cynthia

If you don't know, my first name doesn't sound like Reevis (nor ryme with Beavis, thank you very much). It actually rhymes with crevice - the only word it rhymes with. It was brutal as a kid.

Get up you slob. xox Reavis the Crevice aka CREV

3 comments:

ayem8y said...

I’m so glad that you cleared that up Crevice!

Reavis Eitel said...

(hoarse aged laughter)
('cacklin crevice)

Reavis Eitel said...

And Eitel isn't EI TELL or Keitel without the K, it's pronounced more like Idle. It means vanity in German.

For some time now I thought ayem8y was ahemby because my comprehension is distorted. I just carefully looked at it. I thought it was like a polite gentlemanly 'ahem' with a 'by' to make it sort of personable. Like Mr.Aheby... whatever forget it.